tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5663875238514022342024-03-14T02:26:36.445+00:00The World According To DanzoUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566387523851402234.post-21784657769494167812021-09-30T11:25:00.003+01:002021-09-30T13:00:15.545+01:00People are still here?<p> </p><p align="CENTER" class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I've
not even touched this blog in well over 7 years, yet looking at the
comments, the views and copied links it is SOMEHOW still thriving!
I've no clue how or why it's still smashing over 500 hits per month,
but I'm ever so grateful.</span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</p>
<p align="CENTER" class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Anyway.
</span></span>
</p>
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</p>
<p align="CENTER" class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">After
over 200 posts and 6 active years of writing this blog I've been
forced to delete it in its entirety.</span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</p>
<p align="CENTER" class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">That's
all folks.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-566387523851402234.post-66424318147797928952012-07-06T01:38:00.000+01:002012-11-01T22:10:54.829+00:00Really Stupid Quotes From 50 Shades Of Grey.You wonderful people should <a href="http://www.facebook.com/TheWorldAccordingToDanzo">follow my page on Facebook</a> to see more 50 shades of grey shit. (There's a parody coming soon, hurrah!)<br />
That or just check out my other posts! x<br />
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<br />
So of course, my last blog post was a cheap one if you will, I basically just copied and pasted somebodies Amazon review along with my own contribution on why most 50 shades of grey readers are stupid. (Or you know.... All of them).<br />
But Jesus fucking helling Christ, has this made the "traffic" for my blow flow freely. In the past three days I've had over a hundred, possibly angry women go onto my blog expecting a fair review on "Mr.Grey" only to find my praising somebody slagging it off.<br />
<br />
Anyway, two things have led me to a second Fifty Shades blog;<br />
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One, is the feeling of emptiness I felt knowing that I've only half-heartedly slagged off a book that can only be rationally described as a fad for women whose sex lives dried up years ago. Really, my lack of knowledge on the subject, and bewilderment rendered me unable to comment on such matters. Hence, the cool review.<br />
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Secondly, I have only just Googled, "50 shades of Grey quotes".<br />
Holy fucking shit. When people complained that the author E.L James was shit, and "a joke to real, struggling authors". It wasn't just a knee jerk reaction to counter everyone babbling on about the books, it's actually a very dignified statement, probably an understatement at that.<br />
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Again, if you don't know what the hell 50 shades of Grey is, <a href="http://danzoisthebest.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/greatest-50-shades-of-grey-review-ever.html">here's my previous blog post explaining it.</a><br />
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So right now, there's three types of people in the world.<br />
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The Good. People who know what 50 S.O.G is and hate it. With or without a cause, either way they have common sense.<br />
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The Bad: People who don't know what it is. Why they're put as "the bad" I'm not yet too sure<br />
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The Ugly: People who read it, love it, refer to it as Mr.Grey and then tell the world how their sex lives will benefit. FUCK OFF. Nobody cares about your stupid fantasies of getting beat up by a billionaire. And no, we don't care if "your fella will benefit". This was actually a comment from somebody about the book. Strange how somebody you've never met is on your list of people who you want to strike with a blunt object.<br />
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Needless to say. You're probably only reading this right now if you hate the book, well done if you love the book and you're still reading though, you're a real trooper.<br />
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Anyway, let's say hypothetically that nobody has heard of this book. It's out but it doesn't have a lack of I.Q following, nobodies recommended it to you, and nobody rightly gives a shit about it.<br />
Now would you buy a book, knowing that these are some of the "famous quotes". I don't think you would.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Laters Baby"</span></i></div>
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This for some reason, is actually one of the most iconic lines in 50 sog. Why? I don't know, all I do know is that it's ruined the term "Laters" for me. I liked saying laters as a goodbye, and now every time I go to see it, I imagine some stupid whore going "HUR HUR HUR! LATERS BABY! MR GREY!".</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Why don't you like to be touched?"<br />"Because I'm 50 shades of fucked up"</i></span></div>
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What the fuck? Is this meant to be some sort of bad-ass line? Is this meant to advertise how deep, dark and mysterious Mr.Grey is? I'm going to look away from the obvious reference to the name for now, which I assume sent fans into a frenzy. But really? REALLY?</div>
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Let's say, you're into the whole emotionally fucked over mysterious guy thing. He doesn't want to be touched, "Oooo, he doesn't like to be touched, wonder why?" </div>
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Now, really a mysterious person would say something like "Doesn't matter" or just generally shrug the matter off.</div>
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A cunt, would say "Because I'm 50 shades of fucked up". What sort of reaction would somebody get if they actually came out with that. They should be fucked up. Fucked up in the face with a fucking brick. Admitting you're fucked up, kind of takes away from the whole "I'm fucked up, and don't want to talk about" act. That's called attention seeking.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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Did E.L James base most of her famous quotes from Facebook quotes? This quote belongs on the Facebook page of a seventeen year old chavvy girl. (The sort who target "bad boys" who are already taken and then decide to hate men as a whole when they cheat on them. Don't say you don't know them!). What's the next famous quote, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". </div>
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I actually saw a man post that. A Man over fucking thirty. Posting a Marilyn Monroe quote. I assume he's well in the 50 SOG trilogy right now.</div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">“Let me ask you something first. Do you want a regular </span></span></i></div>
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<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">vanilla relationship with no kinky fuckery at all?"</span></span></i></div>
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<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">My mouth drops open. "Kinky fuckery?" I squeak.</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"Kinky fuckery."</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"I can't believe you said that.' </span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"Well, I did. Answer me," he says calmly.</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I flush. My inner goddess is down on bended knee with her hands clasped in supplication begging me.</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"I like your kinky fuckery," I whisper.” </span></span></i>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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Now, allow me. Danzo, to ask you the reader a question.</div>
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Regardless of your sexual preference, or kinks. Would you truly, ever want to be with <b>anyone</b> who uses the term "Kinky fuckery". </div>
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You could be the partner of your dreams, and the moment they say that your image of them would shatter to pieces. Literal pieces of a person you once love and respected.</div>
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Do you know what's probably worst? </div>
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At least half the morons who read this are now probably going to use this term. Kinky Fuckery is probably going to be all over the place by stupid women. Facebook status's, hell it'll probably a tattoo, just a few inches under a dolphin tattoo (Also a trait of a bleak imagination). </div>
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I'm sure I'm going to find out scrolling through the quotes, but what the fuck is an Inner goddess, and why do I fear that more and more elitist feminists are going to start using the term?</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Christian, you are the state lottery, the cure for cancer, and the three wishes from Aladdin's lamp all rolled into one".</i></span></div>
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A bold statement, for a whiny, douchey, fucking moron who uses the term Kinky fuckery. At least use one of these metaphors, if I ever had a partner who insisted she was 50 shades of fucked up, and had some red room of pain I would not consider this a cure for cancer.</div>
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I'd consider it a cancer of its own, fucking hell I'd probably actually 'like' those stupid Facebook pictures you get now saying "LIKE IF YOU WISH CANCER DIDN'T EXIST!".</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I wasn't aware we were fighting, I thought we were communicating" </i></span></div>
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Wo-----ow. Look this guy in all of his kinky badassery, To him, there is no fighting. There's no arguments, there's no ill feeling, or even remorse at being in his company. No. To Christian Grey, that's just how he rolls. Raise your voice, he'll raise his whip. Shout, he'll make you shout in pleasure, scream he'll make you scream in his red room. He lives life in the fast lane, the man is filled to the brim with passion, so much so that he misinterprets fighting as standard life. Yet he does it so composed! That's not a contradiction at all. Cunt.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping its hands like a five year old"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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The hell? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I lived under the impression that this "Inner goddess" that she's referring to was her vagina?</div>
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If so, referring your vagina to a five year old is probably not the greatest thing to do, not without getting some sort of accusation of being a paedophile. And rightfully so to be fair, especially a kid doing such an energetic thing such a bouncing up and down, whilst clapping (Something I'm sure I've never seen a child without ADHD do). </div>
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Hopefully, this inner goddess shit clears up soon.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"INSIDE ME" I gasp, and all the muscles in my belly clench. My inner goddess is doing the dance of seven veils"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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Oh, Fuck off.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"My inner goddess fist pumps the air above her chaise lounge"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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What the fuck does that even mean?</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>THIS IS A NOTICE</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>The website I went on now used pictures with the quotes.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I did not. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Repeat: DID NOT</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>pick these pictures myself, for they are fucking stupid.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Thank you.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">It's probably a good idea to credit Buzzfeed for the pictures, or more so name and shame them.</span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uuxnQBk-dhs/T_YraQAsPII/AAAAAAAAAX0/2vknddLMSdQ/s1600/enhanced-buzz-20740-1331592165-209.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uuxnQBk-dhs/T_YraQAsPII/AAAAAAAAAX0/2vknddLMSdQ/s1600/enhanced-buzz-20740-1331592165-209.jpg" /></a></div>
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There's not an awful lot of ways you can make really rough sex sound nice on paper. This is why people don't try, and when they do it usually just results in saying something like "Oh, they fucked.... And that's that". </div>
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Using the sentence "Liquid and smoldering combust deep in my belly". Will not reach the desired effect. Even more so, when the website used to advertise these quotes, clearly stole pictures from a fucking indigestion website. Look at that model, she's filled with more shit than Mr. Grey himself, yet it's still a step up from liquid elation.</div>
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Jeez, she's really going mental about her insides here isn't she.</div>
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First, it has a goddess in it.</div>
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Secondly, said goddess was a clapping five year old, that did a fuck load of dancing (There was also a "My inner goddess did the salsa" reference on that site, but if I heart it one more time I'd be on the verge of suicide)</div>
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Then, it was filled with some sort of combustion of love, pleasure and smoldering. Now, it's filled with potent needy liquid desire. How many fucking metaphorical adjectives does spunk need? If I just had sex with someone, and they went</div>
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"Gee, thanks Dan. I'm filled with your potent, needy, liquid desire and seasonably satisfied".</div>
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Then only response she'd probably get would be</div>
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"Out".</div>
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And once more, what's with the stupid indigestion pictures. Did they just hire a bunch of people who needed a shit?</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6_nuQ3BIO1w/T_Yuri6Yg3I/AAAAAAAAAYE/0AwZOI_FdMM/s1600/enhanced-buzz-2983-1331592474-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> </a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6_nuQ3BIO1w/T_Yuri6Yg3I/AAAAAAAAAYE/0AwZOI_FdMM/s1600/enhanced-buzz-2983-1331592474-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-924KY_S_F_w/T_YtnnGkjfI/AAAAAAAAAX8/2IOWql_uHY0/s1600/enhanced-buzz-20744-1331592625-175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: white; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-924KY_S_F_w/T_YtnnGkjfI/AAAAAAAAAX8/2IOWql_uHY0/s1600/enhanced-buzz-20744-1331592625-175.jpg" /></a></div>
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It's hard to comment on the shittiness of the quote, when you're faced with such a weird picture. Honestly, that dudes face looks like a weird deformed dick. </div>
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Did they hire him for that quote itself? How'd he even become a model? It's rather unsettling to say the least. Especially so when you're using the term.</div>
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"His expression pulls at that dark part of me". </div>
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That expression.</div>
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That one in the picture is meant to paint this picture. That is a face of a mentally disabled, angry man being asked a difficult question. It's certainly not the look of erotica, hell it's better than Mr.Grey as a whole, but regardless. And again, she's talking about her fucking stomach.</div>
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Oh, and to finish off. This is a quote that <a href="http://half-bloghalf-amazing.blogspot.co.uk/">Dan</a> also found and sent me. Which pretty much tops everything disgusting.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"His finger circled my puckered love cave. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Are you ready?" He mewled</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>smirking at me like a mother hamster</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>about to eat her three legged young"</i></span></div>
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Jesus, I think this has rendered the previous quotes void. Who the fucking hell calls their vagina a puckered love cave? What the hell would a puckered love cave look like if not a vagina. A weird, plump, pink, condensation reeked cave? Possibly guarded by a bear with a bow 'n' arrow. </div>
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And then, more so disturbingly. Have you ever got a smirk from somebody and just instantly thought "Man! That smirk resembles a mother hamster about to eat her three legged mutated young". </div>
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Does a hamster even smirk? What a horrid image that'd be, especially when about to commit some sort of rodent incest murder. </div>
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Still, a better story than Twilight.</div>
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Which in turn, is a better story than 50 shades of grey. Who'd have thought.</div>
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I'm not sure if there's any more terrible quotes, so please. Let me know. Maybe a part two can be made.</div>
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/TheWorldAccordingToDanzo">Facebook Link to discuss said fad.</a></div>
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Much Love!</div>
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Dan</div>
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x</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com50